Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2001, at 8:20:14
In reply to 9 year old still has seperation anxiety..... HELP!, posted by bonnie_ann on December 19, 2001, at 7:20:27
A child psychologist I know says that there are two types of behaviors like this. One is the sort that arises from a desire to control. The other is the sort that comes from a biological vulnerability and asking him to stop those behaviors is like asking him to stop his hair from growing.
I doubt that such consistent behavior results from a deliberate desire to maintain control, but he suggests using positive rewards to test to see if these behaviors are within the child's ability to control. If the child gets more positive benefits from not doing than from doing the behaviors, he will stop.
If he truly cannot stop without intolerable anxiety, taking the Nintendo away will not help. When I was in sixth grade and being teased by the other kids, everyone told me that if I just quit crying, they would leave me alone. It was true and I knew it, but I couldn't quit crying. Then it felt like it was my fault I was being teased.
Unless you think he is truly being manipulative, give him a big hug and tell him you understand how difficult this all is for him and how embarassing it must be for him. I recommend borrowing Marsha Linehan's book "Cognitive Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder." In it she has an excellent discussion on how the usual advice to kids to stop overreacting, which is good practice with most kids, can feel so frustrating to kids who just can't stop it. And bring your son to a GOOD child psychologist. At least then you will know the true nature of the problem.
I know this is difficult and embarassing for you and I know you are doing your best in a trying situation. But I am just trying to give you the perspective from your son's side, if he does indeed have problems with emotional regulation.
poster:Dinah
thread:15782
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15785.html