Posted by IsoM on December 13, 2001, at 15:21:58
In reply to How do I stop procrastinating?, posted by cmcdougall on December 13, 2001, at 10:26:32
Carly, I SO don't want to seem like I'm pushing something, but your story is much like mine, & reading the other posts, like many others too.
Yes, I have ADHD but even when I'm hyper I seem to accomplish less than those who are steady & slow. Motivation was so lousy for me. If there was someone to do something with that I cared about & we'd talk & work together, that helped, but it's hard to have someone follow you about all day being your crutch.
One thing I found about about my procrastination was I enjoyed the feeling of the deadline coming as much as I dreaded it. It was the adrenaline push that made me feel alive. Yet, it also left me so stressed out & exhausted - I didn't do anything for a day or so afterwards, till the next deadline came.
I read everything I could about adrafinil (olmifon, like modafinil -Provigil) being used for narcolepsy (I have it fairly mild), ADD, & even depression. I decided to take it as I'd spend hours (literally) yawning each day till the tears ran down my cheeks & my nose was stuffed up.
My house is a mess - a real disaster from going to college & working at the same time, the house got looked after last, if at all & just accumulated more junk. When I looked at where to start, I'd be overwhelmed. I'd do a bit here & a bit there, off & on, busy all day but nothing looked different. I had plenty of time now as I wasn't taking any more courses & only working part-time.
Since I started the adrafinil about a month ago, things have been changing. I didn't even notice it at first. Rather than looking at an insurmountable mess, I just starting doing things & singing while I was working. It occured to me that I wasn't even thinking of "conquering" this place but just did stuff & I can see the improvement in the place. My motivation is back but I don't have to force it! It just happens. I wonder if this is how it feels to be normally motivated? It's wonderful.
Anyway, both modafinil & adrafinil are called eugeroic drugs, meaning "good arousal". That's what it's doing for me. Even some friends & my Mom say I look so much better & contented. And I am!!
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> What is the deal with depression and procrastination? I have plenty of time to do my tasks, yet I just don't do them - I put it off. Then they pile up, and there's so much to do I don't know where to start.
>
> My pdoc told me to get an organizer and USE it. I use it halfheartedly. I made a list of all the things I need to do and its overwhelming! For instance, I haven't balanced my business bank statement for over a year (and that's just the tip of a monstrous iceberg)... So, I have put the list in order of importance yet I still can't seem to get started on anything. I wake up each morning with the best intentions but end up doing diddly-squat.
>
> I own a little gift shop and have even kept it closed several days a week for the past 4 months (my husband would be furious if he knew). For 3 years I opened it everyday. I have part-time staff to work 2 days a week so I can have time off, but I have been taking FIVE days off, and just leaving the store closed. I've been blaming the bad economy for my decreased sales.
>
> I know what set off this downhill slide - a lawsuit between my husband and his ex started in Sept 2000 and lasted a year (very expensive and ugly). During that time I completely obsessed about everything to do with family law, divorce, visitation, EVERYTHING. The lawsuit was all I could think about. At the same time my effexor started to poop-out. You guys know how it is... It snuck up on me and I didn't realize my depression was coming back - even though I quit taking care of my shop, I quit putting on makeup and doing my hair, woke up at 3:00am every morning, etc., etc. My husband kept asking me what was wrong and I just blew him off.
>
> Well, after a complete "nervous breakdown", withdrawing from effexor (the worst), ending up in the psych ward, and enduring 10 days of intensive cognitive therapy (which all happened in Oct.), I am getting back on my feet.
>
> I've been I'm on a new med cocktail for about a week (after approx 8 weeks of med trials - yuck) and it seems to be working... I actually feel pretty good now. It seems that I have motivation to do stuff - just NOT the stuff I have put off for so long. I just can't get into it. Hopefully, after a couple more weeks on these new meds I will get a grip.
>
> I fell in a deep, black pit that I haven't yet been able to crawl out of. At least now I can see light above me, and if it shines bright enough I hope to find some hand-holds to pull myself out with.
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> I would be soooooo grateful for any advice or helpful hints on dealing with procrastination and lack of approriate motivation. Thanks in advance,
>
> Carly
>
> Ps - My husband won the lawsuit but paid a terrible price in legal fees, mental and physical health, and marital harmony. But we survive.
poster:IsoM
thread:15436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011207/msgs/15489.html