Posted by akc on December 10, 2001, at 21:37:44
I am as depressed and lacking hope as I have been in months. If my mom were not still alive, I would be suicidal. This things with my meds has my mind all twisted. I don't see an end to one after another of bad spells. This year alone I had a really bad one for all of February till the middle of March, another one for a couple of weeks in May, another two weeks in July and now this -- 4 blah weeks followed now by almost 2 weeks of hell. So 4 times in one year. And that is just this year. I'm spending a fortune on health care. Good health care. Lots of health care. Lots of medication. I try to do some reading to be informed. I go to AA 2-3 times a week, Alanon once. Hang out with friends who have their shit together. But time after time after time I get back to this point. It is so exhausting. I cannot stand it anymore.
I probably need to be in the hospital. But I cannot go -- not at this moment. I have a job that is such that I would have to be in a coma. I picked it -- just the reality. If everything goes well tomorrow, I may do something different Wednesday -- but I've got to figure out how to focus.
First sleep. I am so exhausted. I cannot keep doing this.
akc
poster:akc
thread:15314
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011207/msgs/15314.html