Posted by Sourceror on December 3, 2001, at 22:52:01
I am feeling so alone right now. I just wish I had someone to talk to. I have my parents but it is not the same. I wish I had one friend I could confide in and talk to when ever. I just feel like I wander through life and don't really live it. I have an appointment with my new T but we are just breaking ground and trying to build that picture of me and work up that trust thing so I don't feel it will be that productive. I can be in a whole room of people and still feel all alone. I feel like curling up in my defensive fetal position and just die. Why can't I break out of this shell. I want to feel better but it seems as if I will never get there. I look at this lately as a terminal disease. If this is how my life is gonna be (and that is how it feels) why not just end it now and save alot of suffering. I long for the courage to take those pills and get it over with. I want to escape from this pain. I have planned to do it three times this past week but chickened out or something came up to pull me away. All I seem to do anymore when I am not working is sleep (sometimes 14-15 hours). I hate my life and feel it is not worth the effort it takes to live. Anyhow I guess I have unloaded enough crap on ya all for now as I weakly fight on another hour at a time.
L8R,
The Sourceror
poster:Sourceror
thread:14853
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/14853.html