Posted by Adam on September 18, 2001, at 17:23:44
In reply to need advice from male species. OK girlies 2, posted by dreamer on September 18, 2001, at 15:32:20
This is always a toughie. I've been infatuated. Chances are you've been infatuated. Ever get the "partial letdown" from the object of your affection ("Gee, you're really swell and all, but I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, etc., etc.) which left you simultaneously denied, yet clinging to some hope that _someday_, things might turn around?
Well, I have. I remember, on one occasion, wishing, after the fact, that the person had just come clean and told me that there was no way, no how we were going to get together from the get-go. It was ultimately my fault, waiting around for nothing, but if she had just _told_ me, cleary, rather than beating around the bush, the process would have at least taken less time.
So, as they say, sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind. I'm not recommending you slam him or anything. I think it's best to just lay it all out. From what I'm gathering, maybe what you would say is "hey, I think you're a nice, attractive guy, but I just don't have those kinds of feelings for you, and I'm not going to. I'm sorry, but I don't want a romantic relationship with you. I don't want to lead you on, or leave you hanging, so I think it's best I just tell you how I feel now, so you don't waste your time."
There was one instance where I had to say essentially just what I wrote above. Of course, the friendship as it was was permanently damaged. I still wanted to be friends, she wanted more, being around me just made her feel bad, and that was pretty much it. But she stopped sending me notes, and leaving me gifts and phone messages. She stopped inviting me out for movies. I felt relieved of a burden of guilt. Of course, I also missed the attention, I won't deny, and I missed her, but, well, that's the way it had to be.
In less than a year, she was dating somebody, and looked quite happy. It was up to her to move on, and she did. She doesn't seem to have looked back, and darned if there weren't a couple times when I was alone and wondering, did I make a mistake? But I know I didn't, and I'll bet she's happier and much better off now than she would have been with me. Ditto for myself and her. It pays to cut to the chase.
>
> Hello testosteroners,
> Got this problem seem to have aquired an admirer from hospital.
> He just aint my type tis more than physical beauty for me that I seek .
> Because he has problems and were both in a vunerable state I can't seem to let him down ,hurt his feelings I have no way encouraged him in fact the opposite.
> Managed to stop him telephoning daily but he's phoning friday.
> Shall I be firm and blame it on mania or say I'm really a transexual man waiting for my op ?
> or is honesty the best????
poster:Adam
thread:11529
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010915/msgs/11536.html