Posted by KB on August 31, 2001, at 7:39:40
In reply to Relationship with someone with BPD, posted by NoTaPrEttyGirL on August 30, 2001, at 15:57:39
My girlfriend from college has been diagnosed with BPD and even though we are not together anymore, I consider her one of my best friends, so I have lots of thoughts on the subject.
First, I would approach the BPD diagnosis with caution - it's a label that has negative connotations to many mental health and medical personnel - as a counselor, I have seen professionals roll their eyes when hearing about a "borderline" patient - supposedly borderlines are demanding, difficult to treat, always doing things "for attention", and bullshit like that.
BPD has always seemed to me like a punitive or dismissive diagnosis - "I don't want to deal with this person and her disturbing behavior" - instead of looking into what has caused the behavior - for instance, many sexual abuse survivors and people with various dissociative disorders display all the symptoms you have mentioned in your post.
And there are the social factors - BDP is diagnosed primarily among women, and has taken on a lot of the associations of the "hysterical" woman of the past.
Anyway, before I write you a book, my two pieces of advice:
1) Don't overreact to her behavior - especially cutting can evoke a really visceral response. Don't ignore her completely, but be as calm and matter-of-fact as possible, because if you get flustered it will just add to the general level of emotion.
2) Be prepared for a lot of crises- life wirth a so-called Borderline is never dull and sometimes you just have to go with the flow and accept that plans may get changed at the last minute etc. Compromise where you can so that then you can hold on when it really matters.
poster:KB
thread:10513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010825/msgs/10563.html