Posted by AKC on August 11, 2001, at 20:00:23
Okay,
Confession time. I didn't go far. I just banned myself for about two days -- couldn't stand not looking. Then found it safe to read for the past 4 days. And the past two days have been itching to post. Even though I am in a pretty depressed state, you guys and gals can sure make me laugh sometime. And there are threads that are just hard to resist.
I'm pretty suicidal in some ways, but am nowhere going to do it. Wouldn't be fair to my work. Really, that is what my head is saying. I hate hurting others or letting people down. Someday I will share with you folks the struggle I had to go through to get licensed in Missouri and Kansas because of my mental illness. But I remember telling my attorney once that if I was going to kill myself, I wouldn't hurt any clients in the process -- I would put my affairs in order. Well, now that I am a practicing attorney, that will probably always keep me safe -- by the time I got all that done, the meds would probably have fully kicked in and the danger would be past.
But don't worry, right now if I was to do so, it would be more a gesture than anything. And my pdoc put my back on my full dose of lithium and I can tell today that it is starting to kick in. So by the time I see her this week, I'll probably be okay.
I am lucky. I spoke with my pdoc everyday this week -- and my therapist. I'm calling in all the time this weekend. I really have a great treatment team. I get so angry when I read how some of you are treated -- it just isn't right. And I feel guilty -- how did I rate so high?
Thanks for being here. I really am glad I found this place.
Your resident hounddog.
poster:AKC
thread:9308
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010807/msgs/9308.html