Posted by shelliR on July 25, 2001, at 23:57:58
In reply to Misery, insecurity, the inner 13 year old -- HELP!, posted by Racer on July 25, 2001, at 21:34:11
Hi Racer,You're in a really difficult situation. You are never going to be a cute, thin, confident athletic girl, "girl" being the operative word. (Sorry.) So you have to stop even thinking of this as a competitive situation. I know what it's like to feel self-conscious in a situation and then absolutely nothing feels right; it's horrible.
In the short run, you might try letting your bad thoughts float out, instead of grabbing them when they enter your brain. In my worst times, I have sat down and written a list of all the people who have loved me. Somehow seeing it in list form helps me. (you might also write a list of all the people who you can remember that you made excellent riders.)
Are you in therapy? One of the ways to move foward is to rid yourself of the shame that you felt (and still feel) about your thirteen year old self. Sometimes I'll think of something that made me feel shame and still does in looking back on it. But it's generally something not very awful and I *know* that intellectually. But I have the hardest time telling my therapist about it--I absolutely don't want to. But when I do tell her (it's like jumping off the high dive for the words to come out)--just saying it outloud makes me realize that it really is a silly or minor past thing. And for some reason, in the telling, the shame goes away. Maybe it leaves the thirteen year me and gets reprocessed in the forty-something year old me and it doesn't feel like shame any more. And it's not hard to say out loud to anyone after that.If nothing I said is helpful, at least my thoughts are with you, and remember all these "perfect" girls will go back to school in another month.
Good luck,
Shelli
poster:shelliR
thread:7945
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7972.html