Posted by Anna Laura on July 18, 2001, at 11:35:38
In reply to How can I tell my mother leave me alone, posted by dreamer on July 18, 2001, at 8:04:23
> My mother is a mental violent alchoholic she mentally abused me for a long time I lived in constant anxiety.
> She made me feel guilty that when I was born she got ill+ my father and brother left. I was left alone with her and her drunken paranioa and I may be wrong but I may have been sexually abused by her.
> If that wasn't enough she married someone who was nuts got ill took years to die and the graphic details are so nightmarish to write. This just a snippet of my crap childhood anyway from being withdrawn I got angry now I have no love or respect for her.
> How do I tell her I've had enough-she pulls me down makes me feel bad about myself I know it's bad but I've even fantasied about killing her.
> Without the anger how can I do it?
> I thought I'd got her out of my life but got a "nice" letter today asking to phone shall I call her or leave it.
> This I should be able to sort out for myself but I'm not to perky at the mo.Sounds exactly like my mother: i used to have the same problem. I need more clues to answer though.
Is your mother self-aware of her problem? Mine isn't. She still lies and gives excuses for her discomfort. (i.e. I'm gonna drink a little bit of vodka because is good for my haedache).
She is in total denial. Sometimes she can't even walk or talk properly and justify that by saying she's got low-blood pressure.She is so messed up that i often wondered wether her drinking problem was just the tip of the iceberg of a much bigger problem. I always hated her, but during a particular moment in my life, i began telling myself that perhaps i was giving her the wrong attitude, that i might have tried to understand her, etc....So i reached out for her. It was good for just one week, right after that she started all over again (alchol,verbal abuse, mental cruelty and so on).
I tried desperately to get in touch with her, but she would reject me ; the truth is that she might suffer from some kind of mental illness.I never understood her and she's still a mistery to me.
I haven't been seeing her for seven years since then, last month we met because of her mother's funeral, and she would act as nothing had happened, as if we had been in touch al these years; her first words were: "Hi honey! How are you?". We went back to her house after the funeral and she started to drink a liquor she made herself made of lemon juice and pure alchol which was strong as hell.
Do you remember Bette Devis in the movie "Who killed Baby Jane?" that's how she looks.
I was never able to decipher her mind.
Is that the same with your mom?
If it's so, a letter wouldn't help at all. I guess it'd be better for you to try
all kinds of ways to reach out for her as i did. The best attitude is to face her by telling the bare truth. If it doesn't work, well, just walk away and never look back.
poster:Anna Laura
thread:7599
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7607.html