Posted by sar on May 22, 2001, at 22:35:00
In reply to Re: turn for the worst » sar, posted by Kristi on May 21, 2001, at 14:44:54
Hi Kristi,
thanks. for the past day or so I've been trying to chalk it up to my extreme rejection-sensitivity (that's my own psychobabble diagnosis there). I don't know whether it's social phobia or depression, but whenever there's an ill word against me I look for the nearest tree to hang myself from. It's so ridiculous it makes me laugh sometimes! I don't know whether I'm psycho or not...I presented that idea to my analyst today and she didn't disagree; however, she thinks that I am "traumatized" and that it will take many years of analysis to get me to where I'm s'posta be...& who *knows* what to believe? I'm this fuct-up girl who pays her $100/hr & she knows how malleable I am anyway...I don't know what to think. Actually I keep thinking of the old biblical quotation (tho I am not religious) of beating the swords into plowshares...it is only by *accepting* my psycho nature that I can undo it, right? I've spent so much energy creating a front of perfectionism that I'm just tired of it, I think for now I'd rather say All right world I'm Fuckin Crazy Love me or Don't...then I think, is there anyone out there who actually cares if I'm crazy or not? I think not, so I might as well be crazy, tho pretenses are wonderful social lubricant.
thanks for lettin me ramble.
love,
sar
poster:sar
thread:6105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010511/msgs/6141.html