Posted by sar on May 16, 2001, at 21:55:22
In reply to Re: Today I would die for » sar, posted by NikkiT2 on May 14, 2001, at 7:42:24
Nikki,
the thoughts have become a daily reality to me, I think them all day at work...I had a lot of ideation/decision while tripping on acid a few months ago and wonder if those suicidal thoughts are permanently etched into my brain because of it. Last night I dreamt that bob dylan (king of blues) was captain of a large ship I was on at night in the middle of the ocean...he suddenly decided that we'd have to make an emergency mission, change our route--everyone on the ship shouted no, that it was dangerous, but he did it anyway, and I wondered if I'd drown at sea...feeling relief.
I wonder if acceptance of all of this is perfectly natural. I work at a bookstore and it breaks my heart the dozen times a day people buy a book called "finding the joy within" or some such with some ridiculous lipstick smiley-face on the cover--especially when the purchaser is 75 yrs old. Anyway, I'm not-at-all saying that I like this about myself but rather that I accept it, I'm not sure what to do with it, but it is there...and I have a feeling that it's somwhat more common than I'd previously thought...I don't know, I'm all mixed-up on the subject!
It is difficult.
my best,
sar
poster:sar
thread:5934
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010511/msgs/6036.html