Posted by shellie on December 3, 2000, at 10:26:05
In reply to Re: Thanks for alot of good advice » shellie, posted by ksvt on December 2, 2000, at 14:35:17
> > Shellie - how long did you stick with the 2 pdocs you eventually left? Was it awkward making that switch? Thanks ksvt
>Hi ksvt (and I do think of you by your name!).
Both of these pdocs were extremely easy to leave. The twenty minute pdoc got very snappy at me during our fourth session when I went five minutes overtime. We started late; I didn't keep track of time, and feel that is her responsibility to end the session. I think she was already upset that she had gotten off of schedule. I didn't feel a rapport with her yet, although I did think she was very knowledgeable. She seemed very cold to me, and when I told her twenty minutes didn't seem long enough when I am just starting a med, she was unwilling to make any adjustments. I e-mailed her that because of conflicts in personality, I would not be returning.
When I tried again (just over a month ago), I was in a desperate state. I was not in agreement with my pdoc about many things and wanted to get someone else's imput. I didn't formally terminate with her, told her I had made an appointment for a consultation. I saw this guy four times in two weeks; I always had to wait about 45 minutes to see him for 10; By the third appointment, I realized he double scheduled for 15 minute appointments! It was like a zoo in there. Once he didn't have my chart, and I had to quickly go over everything again. I was in horrible shape and really needed someone to connect to to get me through this. Plus, he didn't seem to have anything to offer anything that I didn't already know. So, I just never went back after the last time I saw him, and again ran back to my old pdoc (paying out of pocket).
If I didn't have an former pdoc-I don't know what I would have done in either case. My guess is I still would have left, but gone to someone else that I had known from the past--just to get me through. Even though I have lost some trust in my pdoc during the past six months, I don't know anyone smarter, or who is willing to give me as much time, or relate to me as personally. She's been my pdoc for about ten years; and during that time became very well known in my city, but she was my doctor before she became known as "the expert" in depression. It's going to be very hard I think, to disengage from her and find a new pdoc (but I can't afford to continue to pay out of pocket) and I will wait until I am stable.
I went to a new gyn and think she's terrific, and like the rest of my doctors, so I think it is possible for me to like doctors. For some reason, pdocs seem particularly difficult to me--probably my expectations are a lot higher and my needs are a lot greater. I think it has to do with a contradiction I set up: a confusing mix of wanting to be taken care in a childlike way when I feel so suicidal, AND wanting to be respected as a adult.
Anyway, I know it is much more difficult to leave a pdoc you really like, so I would guess if you like this new person, you're still going to have to work really hard to take the time to build up an alliance. Maybe this could have happened with me and the twenty minute therapist, if I didn't know I had someone for me to run back to. Maybe I would have taken the time to try to make it work, since she did have the knowledge and experience I needed.
btw, I did interview two other pdocs when my pdoc stopped accepting my insurance and found neither of them acceptable. One thought, when I told him I took codeine for pms, that I wasn't admitting that I was an addict, and if I wanted to work with him I had to go to a twelve step group. (He called my therapist and told her this). The other framed questions to me in such a way that I felt like she only wanted to take med cases on if they were not a bother, and I didn't want to be in that position.
I hope this post is not too discouraging. You have to keep in mind that my expectations are probably not reasonable, but I go for them anyway.
shellie
poster:shellie
thread:3353
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001117/msgs/3405.html