Posted by shar on November 21, 2000, at 22:44:56
In reply to Re: Debriefing with Noa, posted by Mark H. on November 21, 2000, at 22:37:56
> Dear Noa,
>
> I actually crossed messages with you earlier, so I didn't read your second post until after I had posted again.
> xxx
> You raise many good points, as always. There is an element here among the wounded (myself included) who respond to dark humor, and perhaps we experience a bit of resentment about certain types of unrestrained behavior because we suck it up all day long every day and avoid lashing out at those who may deserve it.
>
> When we are among ourselves, it seems particularly uncivil for people to jump in who apparently lack even the most rudimentary basics of therapy, the kinds of things that are taught in the first few visits, who absolutely cannot consider the possibility that someone here might have a valid first impression or observation worth considering about the inappropriateness of their interactive behavior.
>
> Paramount is owning one's own feelings -- those who haven't figured out that "offense is in the taking" haven't even begun their work. It's OK for them to be here, for all of us to offer one another support, but when they jump into the middle of a thread with righteous indignation, the choices are 1.) to ignore them; 2.) to educate them; or 3.) to ask them to start their own threads and butt out.
>
> We need your level of compassion here, but we also need lots of people who don't put up with bad behavior. To me, it is not kind to coddle the level of self-indulgence that some people bring to this board. This may be the only place in their lives where they're challenged to take some accountability and responsibility for themselves. To some people at some times, "knock it off" is the most loving, compassionate thing you can say.
>
> I don't want to name names, but you and I both have at times given up on some of the chronic self-sabotagers who beg for advice and then ignore it, who cry out for help and then disappear, who threaten violence and then never report back or maintain even the smallest amount of accountability when offered help.
>
> It's not my place, of course, to suggest a set of "rules" for this list. The alternative is to use parody to highlight some of the attitudes that have caused unnecessary dissonance and strife on this and other boards.
>
> I hope our differing viewpoints will continue to work together to offer a range of styles and ways of reaching people.
>
> Best wishes,
>
> Mark H.
poster:shar
thread:3070
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001117/msgs/3126.html