Posted by Noa on November 21, 2000, at 20:35:48
In reply to Re: Holiday Plans--Noa and Dari, posted by shar on November 21, 2000, at 20:20:59
Thanks for the encouraging words, Shar. I hope you can be assertive and protect your boundaries, and have a reasonably good time.
And, Dari, I hope you can protect your boundaries too, while with your family. Try not to absorb the toxins, right?
I actually have been enjoying being with my family (it was bad for a number of years when I was younger but has been much better lately), but this wierdness and vagueness about TGing plans is annoying. There's history to it, of course, you know--a little awkward dancing around each other trying to figure out who will be at whose inlaws or parents, and who will be hurt by not being "chosen" when the other side is chosen, etc. So, me, the nonmarried one, gets lost in the shuffle. If I wanted to travel, I would be welcomed, but I hate travelling when everyone else is on the road, too. It just seems like a big hassle. Some years I have the energy for it and some years I don't. Plus, if there is some enthusiasm for a get-together for the holiday, I can be persuaded to make the trip, but otherwise, I don't want to.
The stuff about local family members not inviting me is even stranger and I don't understand it, although I have gotten used to it and am less hurt by it than I used to be. If I think about it a lot and really tune into my "insides" I do see that I still am hurt by it, but I haven't been feeling it much--it hasn't been on the surface at all. I guess I just feel good (and empowered, perhaps) by taking action to take care of myself instead of passively waiting, hoping someone will extend an invitation, a gesture of wanting me with them.
It worked out great to have a friend in a similar (but harder) boat and to find something fun to do.
poster:Noa
thread:3059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001117/msgs/3112.html