Posted by TomV on November 8, 2000, at 10:33:33
In reply to No. » TomV, posted by Racer on November 7, 2000, at 15:18:44
> I don't agree that some things just can't be helped.
>
> Sorry.>** No reason to be sorry.
> A lot of us have suffered losses in our lives. Grief is terrible. Sometimes it takes years to get through it. Note, please, the wording I used. Grief is something you pass through, not something you can go around.
>
**You said a mouthful. I am going right through the teeth of grief. My problem is I want to move on as soon as possible; my mind is telling me otherwise. Also, using the time period "years" for a healing period is what scares me most.> If you've worked on getting through your grief, and it's still a major problem, something's wrong. Maybe the old losses are excuses you're using to avoid grieving about whatever is really bothering you now. Maybe you've learned a habit of focussing onto your early loss of your father all of the angst that you hit in later life. Maybe you're disatisfied with what you're doing, and your grief is part of your self pity. Maybe you don't really believe that it's OK to find yourself wondering if there isn't something more than this to life, and so you excuse yourself by saying that you lost your father young and can't get over it.
** I've wondered alot at the possibility that I may be avoiding my grief but that is definitely not the case. I feel it every minute of every day, in my chest, in my head, in my whole body. The only thing is I don't spend too much time thinking about my father. I've conciously put him in the past. As far as learning bad habits, I definitely have my share.
You do raise some good points about things that can (and did) occur later in life that have some bearing on depression, but I can definitely say that using my father as an excuse to not move on is not one of them. If anything, I probably don't think about him enough.
>
Regardless of the reasons for your continuing grief, sadness or depression, I believe with all my heart, mind and soul that something can be done about it.** I've tried alot of meds and therapy to move on, but as you know it can get very complicated. I do believe there is a way I can move on but so far no one has shown me the way to the light. Yet.
Tom
**
poster:TomV
thread:2240
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2295.html