Posted by coral on October 16, 2000, at 6:21:08
In reply to Re: Guilt about depression - feedback please, posted by quilter on October 16, 2000, at 0:50:02
Yes, yes, yes, I so feel the guilt. I'm on the healing side of my second depressive episode (I know that intellectually, but this morning, woke up feeling like yesterday's dog poop.) After stringing several positive days together, feeling I was making really good progress, everything collapses in a nano-second. It's like making a wonderful, elaborate sandcastle, feeling happy and even proud (maybe that's my sin?), and one damned wave knocks it into oblivion. Then, the self-loathing starts (or surfaces?) Maybe subconsciously I knew this was going to happen today because yesterday, I insisted that my husband and I tackle a business proposal that's due this afternoon. (We're self-employed). So, I have six hours to get ready for this appointment, and even taking a bath seems an impossible task. Had we not completed the rough draft yesterday, there's no way I could've helped with it today, and would've dumped it (again!) on my husband. Guilt? Yes. I'm his life partner and business partner, and as valuable to him right now as a flat tire. He's wonderful and deserves more. As I sit here writing this, I'm desperately hoping the meds kick in before he gets up, so it'll be easier "faking it" today. Guilt. Right now, I can't get away from the self-condemnation of how I could've let this happen to me.
poster:coral
thread:1090
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1115.html