Posted by shar on September 14, 2000, at 0:25:29
In reply to Re: followup- » shar, posted by allisonm on September 13, 2000, at 14:37:49
I cannot think of a way to handle that better! You obviously deserve whatever kudos you get...and you're right! You are good at strategizing!
Hooray! (and I agree, watching your back is a necessity)
Shar> Shar, here it is:
> Everyone, thank you very very much for your responses. They have helped a lot.
>
> The meeting was harder than I anticipated. I had to defend myself in order to keep my position. At
> this hour, I think I succeeded, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. In any case, I am going to have to act
> saner than a sane person to prove myself from now on.
>
> I went in and said thanks, but a leave isn't necessary. That wasn't enough. My boss threw out impressions she'd
> gotten from our last tumultuous meeting, so I had to back up and show her the stresses and situations leading up
> to that hour. She brought up comments I had made
> about questioning myself when one of my staff resigned recently. I said that's normal, and
> again brought up all of the stresses from that day.
>
> She brought up how I admitted that in April things were bad. That I had told her that even the people I
> supervised noticed it. I said, yes, I was experiencing a dip personally, but also, bad things were happening at
> work and my people were not handling things well. There was a lot of hand-wringing and fussing about things,
> and instead of telling them to suck it up or telling them they weren't doing or acting the way I thought they
> should, I stayed silent because I didn't want to make the situation worse, so yes they did detect more silence and
> avoidant behavior from
> me. Then I pointed out that the stigma of mental illness is pervasive and long lasting. .. more than I thought, and I
> regret ever mentioning
> it because I think it's being used unfairly as a reason. I brought up how just the Friday before last my boss told
> me what a great job I'd been
> doing and how I have a spotless record.
>
> In my office, we do things in two distinct areas. She presented this plan to promote someone I supervise (I'll call
> him "Fred") so that he would be in charge of One Thing and I would keep my salary and title, but I'd just be in
> charge of the Other Thing instead of both and supervising Fred. My boss would supervise him instead. I said
> looking at the face of it, that would be a demotion. She backed off some, said it was just an idea and we could
> talk about it some more. Then I brought out
> many reasons why it would not be a good idea. I told her that Fred's and my jobs in both areas are so
> intertwined that they could not be easily split into divisions. He does the routine and happy stuff. I do the
> administrative stuff, the larger, riskier, more serious projects, and I handle the hard situations when crises arise.
> She said she was only looking to try to take some of the load off me so that things would not be so stressful. She
> said things were only going to get more stressful as we begin a new mega project.
>
> I told her that since she was moved out of our office, we communicate only a fraction of what we did, and I
> think that my once-a-week hourlong
> meetings probably focused on the very worst of the week, which for the last 3 or 4 meetings have had to do with
> personnel issues -- one person
> quitting, another threatening to start looking for another job because he didn't think he'd gotten a big enough
> raise, etc. I kept my cool. I
> spoke calmly, matter-of-factly. I did not cry. I maintained eye contact for most of the time except when I was
> working to phrase my most crucial
> answers well.
>
> I offered to supply job descriptions of those in my department including mine. I asked her who else knew that
> she'd proposed a leave. There are two - the big cheese and another lateral to her in the administration. I
> mentioned the stigma again. I said I would get the job descriptions to her and we ended it there. It was a tense
> ending (again). We were staring at each other. I think she was searching me to see what I was thinking, but I just
> stared at her with pursed lips. I had nothing more
> to say. I knew she wasn't happy with the way the meeting was ending. The air was thick. She knew I was
> angry/bothered but was not about to talk
> anymore about it.
>
> It was not long that I was back in my office when the phone rang. It was my boss. She said she'd listened
> carefully to what I'd said and had been thinking about it. She said she went right away to the administrators and
> told them that a leave was not necessary.
>
> She said that she thinks she read me wrong in our meeting last week and suggested leaving things as they are and
> having her be in charge of the mega project and the "larger picture" planning. Fine with me. Frankly, we're
> swamped. I told her in several different ways that I did not want to give up that one component of my job. I feel
> my background gives me an edge in strategizing and I like to do that. I also pointed out that Fred is not so good
> in crisis situations. She agreed.
>
> So it looks as though I'm still in charge of what I was before. We agreed we need more communication. It was
> good before, because we could
> pop into each other's offices and talk about the work at hand instead of setting up formal weekly meetings where
> only the most urgent issues could be addressed. She needs to be more connected again so that she'll understand
> just what pressures we're under. She hasn't been able to be as good an advocate since moving out.
>
> I told her I felt better. I know she felt better. So things seem smoothed out. I am still watching my back.
poster:shar
thread:469
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/544.html