Posted by Dr. Bob on March 22, 2015, at 10:02:54
In reply to Re: long-term psychotherapy, feelings, fears, ending, posted by Kimberly April on March 18, 2015, at 0:24:11
> I think that in the beginning of therapy the boundaries helped me to feel safe, which is what I needed most of all. I always wanted to run away because I was afraid of closeness. After meeting for a while, (several years) I started to notice things like his tears sometimes when I shared what happened to me, his patience and kindness, and a warmth that I had not really felt before. I started to trust him a little, and when he answered my question about why the teacher became a therapist I started to trust him even more. ... Although the boundaries were foundational in the beginning, what really helped me was how he has negotiated boundaries over the years, I think it helped me to feel like I had a say in my own therapy instead of feeling powerless, which is something I still can't stand to feel. ... I think giving me some control over how we would end, and the fact that I could indeed return, have helped me so much, and taken much of my fear away about ending. ... Therapy was a transforming process for me and for my life. It replaced hate with love, fear with acceptance, and anxiety with peace. ... Having a therapist walk with me on the journey, not drag me or push me, has helped me to heal from trauma. I do feel I love him, feel a deep affection for him as kind of a father figure. Some people might think this is inappropriate, but he is the one who helped the little girl to feel safe enough to tell someone something she never told anyone before in her life. Then he held her feelings in his office, listened to her, cared about her, and helped her to learn how to care about herself and how to have healthy relationships. ... I am incredibly grateful to my therapist for his patience with me, firm but pliable boundaries, his kindness, his tears, his empathy, and his caring.
I think your love comes through in your post. Having some control can be key for people with experiences of being powerless. And maybe it wasn't just you opening your heart to him, but also him opening his heart to you.
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
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thread:1064448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140702/msgs/1077735.html