Posted by Kimberly April on April 18, 2014, at 18:12:08
I have been in therapy 5 years now as of this month. Many things have improved in my life, and I have made some progress related to mindfulness, emotional regulation, decrease in self-dest ructive behavior, and self-medicating. During this time I have come to "love" my therapist, for lack of a better word. I realize the therapy field is just so uncomfortable with the L word.
I haven't learned or found "the secret" to bring therapy to a close without feeling afraid, alone, isolated, unstable, or unsafe. I experienced a childhood of abuse of many kinds has been termed betrayal trauma some related to SA from a parent, and some from physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse. I just wanted to give you some background, and I hope this helps for you to shed some light on ending therapy safely without all of those old "demons" coming back again related to flashbacks, self-destructive behavior, self-medication, and a total lack of emotional regulation.
I do think about my therapist many times during the week, but that has lessened through the years, (thank goodness!) However, I still think about him a lot, miss him, and have very strong feelings for him. I am not detached from reality because I know we can't be friends. I this this is therapy, and I know this comes to an end. One of the problems is that I know this in my head, but my heart has not come around to this way of thinking or feeling. Please provide some insight on this related to my circumstances as much as possible so I can share it with my therapist and also so it will help me deal with how I feel, my fears, my projected fears of behaviors that my pop up during termination.
Please don't simplify this. I am in my 60's and some of therapy has been totally uncomfortable for me especially related to seeing my therapist as my father when he is 2 years younger than I am. This lasted for a while, and there were times I wanted to crawl under the floor in his office. There are still times I want to feel so close to him and wish he would sit closer to me and just reach out and touch me in a paternal way. There are times when I feel the sun rises and sets with my therapist, especially when he has understood something difficult I have shared, or taught me something from his actions in a situation. Other times I feel like running away because of the intensity of my warm feelings for him.
I don't want these feelings anymore, but it seems I can't make them go away. Please help. Although I don't seem to want these feelings, I still want connection with my therapist, and can't imagine not having that connection in my life.
poster:Kimberly April
thread:1064448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1064448.html