Posted by baseball55 on October 4, 2014, at 19:34:04
In reply to Re: MIA but back now...Triggers!Possible » baseball55, posted by rskontos on October 3, 2014, at 21:17:12
Actually, my heartache with my therapist was not because he was a problem, but because I had terrible issues with transference. I wanted to be his daughter, to be his friend. He handled it all very compassionately and professionally, but it was very painful for me.
I still see him every month or so, though I'm doing well. I love to see him. He is kind and validating and knows me better than anyone. It makes me very happy to see him.
As for "fit" - we have been a good fit. I had met with him and two other p-docs and just knew, after I saw him, that I wanted to do therapy with him. I'm not sure why. I just had this intuition and we have worked very well together. It is true though that all 3 docs I saw were male and significantly older than me. I guess, on some barely conscious level, I wanted a father figure. The way I thought about it at the time was that I was more comfortable with men, but I wanted a man too old to be sexually attractive. I understood, on some vaguely conscious level, that I would become obsessed and crazily attached to any man I did therapy with. I had never done therapy before, but I just kind of knew this. I didn't want that attachment to include sexual fantasies and longings. It would just be too much.
So I found him and we fit well. I had an intuition we would. I left his office after the first time feeling that I really wanted to talk to him again.
OTOH, I also started seeing a DBT therapist at his urging and have found her to be a good fit as well. Or at least I find her very helpful and trust her and feel I can lean on her when I need to. So that was pure luck. I wasn't nuts about her when I started, but DBT therapists are hard to find. It's just worked out. I don't adore her the way I do my p-doc, but I respect her and always find her helpful.
So how do you find someone who's a good fit? I don't know the magic formula. I was lucky and just did. Twice.
poster:baseball55
thread:1071747
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140702/msgs/1071853.html