Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2009, at 10:09:12
In reply to Re: Apparently my T's plan is..., posted by Dinah on May 5, 2009, at 21:52:08
You know, I think some people (therapists included) are reluctant to apologize because they see apologies as accepting blame and they don't see themselves as being to blame.
IMO, that's a mistaken view of apologies.
A proper apology has three parts, the three R's. Taking Responsibility, Expressing (hopefully genuine) Regret, and attempting Repair.
In this case she could easily apologize without acknowledging blame (as in doing something wrong). Something like:
Therapygirl, I know that my choice to retire and leave the area is causing you a lot of pain. I felt like moving was the right thing for me and my family, but I understand that to you it feels like abandonment, and perhaps even more, like abandonment in favor of a "sibling" given that to some extent I have stood in loco parentis to you for over twenty years. I've helped you grow into the really admirable woman you are now.
I'd have to be a stone not to grow to care about you in those many many sessions over all that time. We've spent so much time helping you grow to learn to live with disappointment and loss caused by others. But I never ever wanted to be the cause of that loss myself. I really regret that I have.
We both know I can't give you the thing you most want from me. A promise not to leave you. And I hope that in our years of therapy, I've helped you discover many of the strengths and skills you'll need to get through this and have a wonderful life... without me. But I want to do whatever I can to make this easier for you. What can I realistically do? I can also give suggestions myself, while recognizing that they may not be what you need from me.
*
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*See, not expressing a hint of blame, but doing all three R's.
Would that be helpful to you?
poster:Dinah
thread:894390
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/894454.html