Posted by raisinb on July 12, 2008, at 11:59:01
In reply to Re: I think things are changing *long* » raisinb, posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 19:52:59
For me, this one had to be, because I have never done anything like it. I used to think that eventually, she'd prove herself to me, or somehow there would be a long, slow process of building trust. Maybe some of that happened. But the final leap had to be like jumping in a lake. I could've probably dipped my toe in forever, except that I got to a point where I had to make *some* kind of radical change because I could see how I'd end up if I didn't. I chose to do things I'd been absolutely opposed to before--take meds, trust my therapist, and accept myself. Of these three, the third is most profound. I am not there yet by any means, but at least I see how bad for me it has been to live with myself all these years. I feel that for most of my life I was like a fish--they don't see the water as water; they just think it's reality. Now I see the water and I think I want to live on land instead, if that makes any sense.
A leap of faith is absolutely contrary to the way I think and act normally in relationships. So in the end I think nothing but a decision, and the will to do it, would have worked.
Maybe in future relationships it won't have to be so radical for me. And I have to say, your therapist sounds wonderful in many ways, but I hope mine doesn't take two years to get on board with it :)
poster:raisinb
thread:839276
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/839440.html