Posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 19:49:18
In reply to I think things are changing *long*, posted by raisinb on July 11, 2008, at 15:02:12
Hmmm... I think I know what you mean.
My therapist and I reached a point at around year ten where I started to trust the trust I felt for him. And we know and accept each other so well that there are rarely any fireworks. I love the feeling for the most part, yet sometimes I tell him I'm tempted to pick a fight with him to pick up the energy level in the room.
But that was a good five years after I first started to trust him. So you have a good long time where your increased trust will allow for a degree of intimacy that more than compensates for the loss in dramatic intensity. It's just a different kind of intense.
And even then, I connect my malaise more to not needing him as much rather than not trusting him. And theoretically at least, when you don't need someone as much it ought to be ok for the intensity to drop.
And I wouldn't worry about her feelings. My therapist worked hard during that period of time when I drove him nuts. He earned my trust in a lot of ways, and failed in a fair number of ways that I grew to accept. But his commitment to me and the depth of his caring are far greater now than they were. I earned his trust and failed to earn his trust the same way he did for me. He says he doesn't become bored. But I am sometimes so I'm sure he must be as well. That's probably because we aren't taking the opportunity to address something. I know for sure I'm not fixed, or even really well.
poster:Dinah
thread:839276
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/839327.html