Posted by Honore on August 13, 2007, at 15:26:15
In reply to ***** Long, tedious and triggery *****, posted by Tamar on August 12, 2007, at 21:52:23
Hi, Tamar. Your T sounds extremely unreliable, and I'm really surprised that you feel as accepting as you do of his very negligent and IMO unacceptable treatment.
I'm sorry to be harsh, I just feel strongly that forgetting appointments, being very late to appointments, or omitting to tell you that he was moving to another office are all actions that are beyond the pale. I can't imagine ever being able to feel trust, security, and confidence in the ability of a T to be consistent and self-disciplined if he did any one of those things-- much less all three.
It's not just the issue of forgetting appointments, etc-- it's the issue of how someone gets to the point where they are so lax, self-indulgent, or subject to unresolved (and apparently unaddressed) countertransference that they can act as a reliable person on any level. There's something in allowing yourself to do those things that's more disturbing than the things themselves.
What a rigid or firm frame has to do with resolving these very serious derelictions, I have no clue. People usually invoke a firm frame or boundaries when a patient is asking them to do certain things that might threaten the frame. I see no indication that you've done that-- or that that's the problem.
It's easy for us to get caught up in liking and admiring, and trying to "help" our T, if he's in trouble (eg you imagine that his partner is sick, and therefore not only would understand his actions, but be worried and want to do something to support him through this). But that's understandable, but so unhelpful to you right now.
I guess if I had a T who did all those things, I'd be feeling so awful about myself, a lot of the work would have to be in addressing my issues of feeling put down, etc-- which, if he weren't in fact doing provocative things, might be legitmate-- But when someone is actually mistreating you, the beginning of the solution is in their treating you differently, not once or twice-- but all the time. And their doing some work on themselves-- perhaps with another therapist or in supervision-- on how they could have let things get so out of control.
Barring that, are you sure you're safe in the hands of this guy-- however brilliant he is when he's there?
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:775888
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/776041.html