Posted by pegasus on April 19, 2007, at 22:15:43
. . . tomorrow, and I'm shakin in my boots. Lately, I've been feeling so strong and capable, but just the thought of talking to him has me reverting back to a puddle of nonsensical anxieties. Can it be that I'm actually more healthy lately *because* I'm not working with him? Maybe his style encouraged my pathology or something. I'm not even making sense here. I'm only posting because I'm so stinking freaked out about tomorrow.
I meant to write about what I wanted to talk to him about, but at the moment I have no freaking idea. I want him to tell me that there's something special about me that he values. And that we still have a relationship, and that he actually wants to talk to me. Maybe that *he* lost a little something of some sort when we had to end therapy. When I ask for that type of thing, though, he tells me that I already know that he likes me, so it's something in me that keeps me wanting to hear it more. So, maybe I'm just messed up. 'Cause I do want to hear it. I can't explain why.
I'm just nervous, nervous. Maybe I won't ask for what I want right. And maybe he'll refuse to give it. But, dang it, after all this time I think I can finally ask, so I'm just going to. I may be posting tomorrow as a quivering mess if it doesn't go well.
peg
poster:pegasus
thread:751475
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/751475.html