Posted by muffled on January 10, 2007, at 18:07:33
In reply to Re: I have nothing » muffled, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 10, 2007, at 14:55:41
> Thanks muffled,
> I don't "need" her to get better, but :(
>
> Is it wrong to say that I need a mom?**Sorry if I seemed harsh :(
My own stuff dribbling in I guess...
Well, I don't think you 'need' a mom :( , but I sure reckon you proly 'want' one :(
Neglect hurts kids real bad. I been learning bout that.
I feel my mother loves me, she was just incapeable, for reasons of her own mental health, to care for us properly. And in those days it was all about show, and appearing to be the perfect together family. It was all about denial of there being any problems. I look back on what little I remember, and some stuff seems so bizzarre. But I guess when you in the thick of it, it just seems normal...
My ma never meant to hurt me.
She just is who she is.
I can't take care of her.
I tried.
I can't protect her.
I tried.
I just walked away.
And we pretend all is well.
I tell her nothing, she tells me nothing, we hug. Suits me fine. Seriously, mostly she just doesn't care, I really don't think she does, or she is unable to, I just don't know. Its the way it always has been, and I know I NEVER will be able to accept from her what I wish she could give. I don't hate her. But I have had to distance myself to survive.> On the one hand, she raised me to be independent from her. Her pride that I "taught myself" how to read at age 4. Her assumption that I could find my way home from 1st grade as a five-year-old.
>
> Can't accept that I was neglected.**Neglect has many faces. Our family was considered pretty good by most I think.
We camped, we had activities, we ate supper at the table every night, we had sunday dinners. We were a model family....
Little things slipped thru the cracks.....
Sigh..
Obvious things....I dunno....just somehow got missed???
Sigh...
>
> ugh.**yea, ugh.
> ((((muffled))))
**(((Noodle)))
>
> well, you warned me, but it was too late. I think I'm strong enough to handle this disappointment. It's certainly easier to talk to my folks when we're all pretending to be happy again. Mom sounds so optimistic about her foot surgery. Who am I to take away her happy anticipation?**I could not know what would happen. It seemed like such a cool idea....like something you read in a textbook, but has very little useful application IRL....
I dunno where your T gets that stuff from.
But i know so little.
I too am in denial.
Sorry it didn't work out :(
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:720964
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/721150.html