Posted by youngaddict on January 6, 2007, at 11:14:42
In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger » youngaddict, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2007, at 10:14:31
> I almost never do it any more, since I promised my therapist I wouldn't. Unlike my promise to him not to kill myself without giving him a chance to help me, which was a gift to him, this one was more an accidental promise given when I had done a bit more damage than I intended and scared myself.
***I STARTED IN COLLEGE FOR A SEMESTER AND THEN I STOPPED. I JUST STARTED AGAIN DURING THE SUMMER.BOTH TIMES IT HAPPENED WHEN IW AS IN THERAPY. NOW, I DIDN'T FEEL A BOND WITH MY OLD THERAPIST (IN COLLEGE) BUT I THINK THAT BEING IN THERAPY BRINGS UP UNPLEASANT THINGS THAT I AUTOMATICALLY BLOCK AND WHEN I LEAVE I LEAVE FEELING UPSET ANDF I AUTIMATICALLY CUT MYSELF. AS SOON AS I GET TO THE CAR I START RAKING MY WRISTS WITH MY KEYS AND THEN I GET HOME AND TAKE OUT SCISSORS, ITS VERY METIULOUSLY PLANNED AT HOME. I TAKE OUT RUBBING ALOCHOL, NEOSPORIN, AND THEN I DO IT. ITS SICK. I WANT TO STOP BUT I LIKE IT.
>
> But he's made it easier for me by taking me seriously when I say I'm upset. Sometimes my hurting myself was a communication when I thought no one understood how badly I was feeling. Sometimes it just resulted from when the anxiety or agitation got too strong and my whole body felt like an electrical field.***TOTALLY. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS VERY NICELY. WHOLE BODY FEELING LIKE AN ELECTRICAL FIELD. A NAME FOR THIS FEELING I HAVE!
>
> If you can raise the courage to tell your therapist how bad you feel, and to ask her to take you seriously, and explain that sometimes you feel you have no other way to communicate that, it may be as helpful to you as it was to me.**I'M AFRIAD SHE WILL JUDGE ME ,LOOK DOWN ON ME, THINK I AM TRYING TO DO IT FOR ATTENTION. ITS SUCH A "TEENAGE" "EMO" THING TO DO. YOU KNOW?
BUT I DO LIKE THE SCARS IT LEAVES, AND DON'T WORRY PEOPLE, I DON'T CUT DEEP, JUST SURFACE CUTS THAT BLEED A LITTLE. AND THEN I LOVE WHEN I CATCH A GLIMSPE OF MY ARM AND I SEE THE SCARS HEALING. ITS CATHARTIC.
THANKS ALL
poster:youngaddict
thread:719703
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/719821.html