Posted by pegasus on December 19, 2006, at 22:01:01
In reply to not connecting with T (long), posted by wishingstar on December 19, 2006, at 16:03:30
Hi wishingstar,
I agree with what the other posters say. You'll probably get the best results if you tell Ginny what you told us. But I don't know if that will help you feel more connected. Seems to me that it might, or it might not. But anyway, it's bound to lead to some interesting discussion that might open up some new insight for you.
But what I mostly wanted to respond to is how you want to quit therapy because you don't feel that you're connecting. You asked if anyone had experience with that, and I kind of do. I've been seeing my current T for around 2 years, and at first I found it disturbing that we didn't have the same kind of energy around our relationship that I'd had with other Ts, and that so many people here talk about. I felt like we were not connecting all that well, and that anyway I didn't really care what she thought. But I kept going, I guess because I was finding therapy useful even when it had so much less energy. I mean, I was still figuring things out, and benefiting somehow from having someone to tell all my hard stuff to.
So, anyway, just recently I went through a really tough time, and our relationship has really started to change. It feels a lot more solid, and I think we're connecting better. I've given up trying to have the therapy relationship I'd had with the previous T with her, and instead I'm looking more closely at what our actual relationship feels like. And it feels pretty good, although a lot less charged. Of course, I miss the charge. And also, I'm glad not to have it sometimes. It made therapy so full of drama. This time I feel so much more like I'm fully working on *my* stuff, and putting a lot less energy into guessing what's going on with the T. Which feels healthier.
So, I guess my point is that maybe that magical feeling of connection is not a necessary ingredient for good therapy, and maybe it actually gets in the way sometimes. Although, I think it can also be helpful when things go well, because successfully attaching to someone who can help you grow and learn can be a really powerful good thing. But I'm finding that a lot of good therapy work can be done when you just let the relationship be whatever it is, warts and all, and not necessarily look for some specific thing to happen.
peg
poster:pegasus
thread:715051
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/715133.html