Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2006, at 17:33:28
In reply to Re: The strangest things bother me » Dinah, posted by Tamar on August 11, 2006, at 10:37:17
> > I'm going to ask him exactly who I'm being passive aggressive to. I didn't like the example he gave to show what he meant. :( But I can't see who he was referring to as the target.
>
> Yeah, ask him. I can’t think what he means by it… Also, maybe there’s a difference between not bothering to wash your hair and deliberately choosing to have manky hair. It sounds to me like you’re talking about the former. The latter might be passive aggressive towards human society, I suppose.He says he meant mainly to myself, and maybe to my husband if he objected.
> > I do know he's been fussing at me lately because I told him I hate my body, but it didn't really affect how I thought of myself, because I don't really think of my body as being part of myself. I think my actual words were to ask if it was ok to hate my body as long as I didn't hate myself. He understood instantly what I meant, but he's really been annoyed or upset about it, or something. He keeps bringing it up in all sorts of contexts. Perhaps he means I'm being passive aggressive to the body I hate. Can you be passive aggressive to your body?
>
> I use my body as a locus of self blame. I guess I know my body is part of me but I don’t want it to be. I also don’t think of it as hating myself. My therapist thinks it would be healthier if I were to see my body as part of myself and then perhaps I could be less abusive to it. And then I think: I wouldn’t be this abusive to anyone else’s body. It must be part of me. I suspect I abuse it because that’s what I think it’s for. And if I can be aggressive to my body, then I can probably be passive aggressive to it. But I still don’t see that not bothering to wash one’s hair could be passive aggressive. Passive aggression towards my body might be something like not bothering to take my glucophage or insulin as a way of expressing resentment about my diabetes. Well, that’s just my two cents.I'm lousy at taking my blood sugar readings. :) But I take my pills. I think I claim moral ownership of my body, which is why I do feel free to hurt myself. But my therapist agrees with yours. He thinks it's easier for me to abuse myself if I don't feel ownership of my body, and I hate it as well. I'm not sure it's true about self injury. I'm pretty sure that's just anxiety management. But it may be true about other things.
> > I've long known he's slightly repelled by my physical appearance and my style of presentation. He's so fastidious and very trendy. But the thing is that I have reasons for a lot of what I do. It's not just to look odd. I wear my hair in braids or a ponytail because in my latter years I find the feel of hair touching my face or neck unpleasant.
>
> I don’t see that your appearance should be described as odd. Who decides how we’re supposed to dress or wear our hair? We don’t all have to be dedicated followers of fashion. I assume you don’t want to cut your hair short to keep it off your neck, so braids are the obvious answer. I can understand that. I used to wear my hair in a ponytail all the time and then I cut it shorter because even the ponytail annoyed me.I wish I could wear my hair short. I've been dreaming of it all summer. I haven't colored my hair for a year, and there's a visible line. I'd like to chop it off at that line. But my hair, described generously, is baby fine. Described less generously it's thin and lank. Short hair flops into my face and neck. Oh, how I wish for thick wavy hair that would stay away from my face. My husband and son have fabulous thick wavy hair.
>
> > I wear Keds because with my diabetes and water retention, I find most shoes unbearably uncomfortable.
>
> Yeah. I know what you mean. I don’t have the water retention thing, but I can’t wear girly shoes any more. I need lace-up flats. And socks. Having said that, I find birkenstocks very comfortable. They’re not cheap, but they last forever. And I don’t need to wear socks with them.I walk right out of them. :( Literally.
>
> > And I like long skirts because I like the freedom of skirts, but hate to worry about crossing my legs. I let comfort trump style because I'd rather feel good than look good.
>
> I feel more free in trousers than skirts, but I like nice stretchy corduroy trousers, especially if they have buttons instead of a zip. I haven’t worn short skirts since I was 26, but I really like long denim skirts. And they look good with comfy foorwear.
>
> > But I have cute Keds and pretty long skirts, and love to dress up my pulled back hair in hair baubles. I guess in my own way, I try.
>
> Well, that doesn’t sound passive aggressive, does it?
>
> > Ok, the pink and yellow I can't excuse. But by the time the enthusiasm passed, my closet was full of it and I wasn't about to spend more money.
>
> The pink and yellow thing might be more noticeable than other things you mentioned. I used to know a girl who wore only purple, and actually it was quite striking. But I realise that my own clothes don’t vary all that much. I wear pink, purple, brown, black, cream and charcoal grey. I don’t have anything yellow, orange or green. It’s because (yes, I know this sounds crazy) I find pink and purple clothes stretchier and more comfortable than green and yellow clothes.
>
> I dunno. With my shape I look pretty awful in most clothes. I think I actually look better naked than dressed. I’m 250 pounds at the moment, but most of that is tummy. I look about 15 months pregnant. I don’t think western clothes suit me at all. I’d like to wear a shalwar kameez or a sari or something; I think they’d look better on my shape. But that would be making a statement too…I'd like that too. Women who are more generously built tend to look so impressive in them.
>
> What about brown? Do you like brown? It goes really well with both pink and yellow…I bought a couple of things this spring in turquoise of all colors. I've always avoided it because my skin is sort of sallow, or golden if I want to be generous. It's a nice change of pace from the yellow and pink. And I had kept some purple. I think some of the rest of my wardrobe is packed away somewhere. I just need to remember where...
poster:Dinah
thread:674888
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675690.html