Posted by happyflower on June 21, 2006, at 16:20:41
My whole like I always lived my life like it didn't happen, but it doesn't mean it didn't have it's affects on you.
Now that I am older I see how it has effected me during my childhood and as an adult, I see everything was affected to some extent.I endured tramatic, ritual, on going abuse as a child. Some could have ended my life If I wasn't so strong and stubborn to survive. I endured major severe physical, major emotional, possiablly sexual abuse (this on is a recent new discovery), and terrible neglect of my basic needs.
But I always thought I was "okay" and I tried to make the most of my life. But now looking back, I could have done so much better in many areas of my life. Just looking what I have done in a year as a 37 yr. old and compairing it to me as a 21 yr. old. The abuse DID effect me in a big way.
Some good ways are in how I am raising my own kids. I could NEVER hurt them in anyway intentionally. They are loved like kids should be loved.
So I look at my life, and I do have problems like in my marriage, but overall it seems okay compared to a lot of people. But that isn't good enough now..
But I am NOT okay with what happend to me. I am NOT okay with how it has effected my personality and life.I do admit I understand the effects of the abuse on my life more than ever, which is good I think. But how do you let it all go? Can you reverse some of the negative aspects of your personality due to it? I feel very angry, more than ever at my life and my choices. How do you move on from something so tramatic that has happened for years, and the effects of it all my life?
I want to ask my T what I need to change about my personality to become a better person. I really want to hear the truth from him. He knows me more than anyone does, and I feel like I could get some real answers from him. I plan on asking him all of these questions too. Maybe there aren't many answers, maybe I have to figure it out on my own. But I am going to ask all of you and my T anyways.
poster:happyflower
thread:659801
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/659801.html