Posted by B2chica on March 31, 2006, at 9:35:24
In reply to Sad, posted by Sixsecrets on March 30, 2006, at 18:01:16
> I am very sad. I see a psychologist. I take Effexor, Ativan and Zopiclone. I have tried suicide once and almost achieved the big check out, but I had forgotten I had a lunch date and he came looking for me and found me unconscious and a trip to the ER ensued. I have tried everything to make the pain go away, but it sticks to me. I had an abortion last year and the soul pain was so great that I took a razor to my arm and leg. I also have had brain surgery (aneurysm) and I wonder if that is why I am so messed up. I was sexually abused/incest as a child. My relationships with men have been just rotten. When I see my step-father and my brother I pretend nothing happened. All my life has been a pretense. The man I truly loved dumped me...he said my complexities scared him emotionally. I am doomed. Nobody understands.
wow sixsecrets, you have been through a lot.
first of all i want to say welcome, and hope youfind babble to be as wonderful as i do. you will find a lot of people here with similar issues for support.i am glad to hear you are seeing a T (psychologist), is he/she helping?
i am very glad to hear your lunch date found you, if you feel that way again, there are several alternatives the number one for me is coming here. secondly call or go to your local hospital. but there are other coping skills you can use as well, such as journaling, excersize, drawing, meditation, gardening...etc. just ask us and we'll share more ideas.
about your abortion, that is an excrutiatingly tough decision that you had to make i'm sorry it hurt you so much. i hate that you felt you needed to hurt yourself because of it. you don't. please don't. i'm sure you are a wonderful person and you don't deserve to hurt so much. i would think there should be local support groups for individuals that are suffering from post-abortion trauma. i think it would really help you to talk with others if you can.
brain surgery always has it's risks, but i think you have a whole lot going on that is definatley adding to your depression. is the effexor helping? (not sure what zopiclone is for but does it seem to help?)
about your csa, i think it's VERY important that you talk with your T about this. talk and talk and talk. and i know all about pretending nothing happened. it's hard not to at first. especially if you are wanting to keep a relationship with them or are trying hard to 'keep the peace' but remember, you need to do what is best for YOU, not for anyone else. i do want to suggest a book called "courage to heal" by ellen bass and laura davis. it was a very triggering book for me at first so i had to read a few pages at a time, but eventually got through it and am glad i read it. there are a few other books i read that really seemed to help me just let me know if you are interested. also there is a forum on books here if you are interested to check that out.i really want to say that you have Great courage just to say what you've said in your very first message. you are a LOT stronger than you may think or feel. Know that.
you are NOT doomed, even though you may feel like that. and we here Do understand. and even if we don't. we will Always be on Your side, and support You.welcome.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:626745
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/627042.html