Posted by rubenstein on September 21, 2005, at 10:27:48
In reply to S.ideation ***strong trigger***, posted by B2chica on September 21, 2005, at 10:22:03
>I have many of the same issues
It is so hard
just try to keep on swimmin
that is what I at least try to do
but the images
yes they are hard
and why can't they go away????take care
racheli just can't stop thinking of my latest plan. i'm not even really depressed anymore. i think the meds are slightly kicking it. but not only do i imagine the step by step of it, i keep getting these visuals that i botch the job and become basically a vegetable, can't really communicate, can't really move. being in a hospital...
> this is scaring the crap out of me, literally scaring me! it's SO real! i guess that can be good cuz it's one defense about acting. but i just keep dwelling on it and it makes me more upset and then the S. thoughts, come back, then the images come again...one giant circle of anxiety!
> i do the normal, try to watch tv, read, i've even been getting on treadmill a little each night and i still have them.
> i just had one that was very disturbing that's why i'm writing now (it was of a nurse lifting my heavy head to put a new pillow under my head-my head bobbled and slightly moved around and i was oblivious to everything.
> i see pdoc tomorrow at 6:00.
> i'm just really tired of being suicidal.
> i feel like i need to sh@t or get off the pot. do it or back away completely.
>
> i feel like such a failure...to everyone around me. that if i die i fail my hubby, if i don't i fail me.
> either way i loose.
> b2c.
poster:rubenstein
thread:557639
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/557640.html