Posted by muffled on September 8, 2005, at 18:22:56
In reply to Re: jenstar - damos, posted by alexandra_k on September 8, 2005, at 15:02:51
> i'm sorry about that... sometimes i just start spinning and then it just kind of runs away with me. in my better moments i see that there isn't any point worrying about this and i can appreciate (really appreciate) what i have a little more. the opportunities i have. and think that i've done okay. am doing okay. but sometimes things just seem to start spinning out of control.
>> in a real variable place this last week or so... get started with the spinning and then it receeds and then it comes back again...
>
> i can't figure it out.
> i actually think... it can't be figured out.
> when this is going to happen
> why it happens
> what sets it off
> i've done that many chain analyses of my behaviour...
> but they didn't help me figure it out.
> because anything you want to put it down to -
> can happen and sometimes you are okay
> but other times you are not
> and why is it okay sometimes but not okay at others?
>
> and maybe it is just the topic
> just the suggestion that you can make sense of it
> that i might be able to predict my moods
> that i might be able to control them after all
> is so bloody terrifying because if it turns out to be true then ive been winding myself up all these years for no good reason.
>
> i don't know.
>
> i'm okay
> i'll be okay
>
> i don't really understand what is going on
Whoah! You sound like me!? But I noticed something at my last session. My T. was trying to explain how SHE got thru a difficult situation herself very recently, as an example to me. It was interesting to watch her figure it out for herself. The process of the event, the emotions, her response to them etc. She was doing it on the fly and it was so cool cuz she WASN'T perfect at it. She had to work at it. So I FINALLY realized that even the pro's don't just know it all. They feel their way too. They often don't know whats going on right away either. That made me feel ALOT better, cuz I feel like such a fool for not knowing whats going on with my OWN self.I HOPE I will someday. So anyways, I'm trying to absorb these thoughts and not be so hard on myself and not so worried about all the crap that goes on in my dam* head. Sorry this is so LONG. Take care.
poster:muffled
thread:552085
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/552409.html