Posted by kerria on September 6, 2005, at 12:26:44
It's so hard to live with opposing parts. It's so hard to have a T like mine or to see t the way that i do- it may not even be correct- it can't be as bad as it seems- can it?
T is so unfriendly that he acts like he doesn't want to get near me - almost like he can 'catch DID' from me. It feels so unedifying to go- although i've been such a mess that i gave up hope about working on a healing and now he's doing supportive therapy because i've asked him to- it's too difficult for me to communicate with parts or work to do that.
Now i'm struggling with trying to make myself go. i have this dread- i don't want to go at all, even still.
i know i need to go but i really hate being there and it's too hard to make myself. It reminds me of pain and crying. i don't know how many times that i cried the entire session and left a wreck besides that afterwards. i'm not any better from it- i'm worse.T acts so uncaring that i think my parts are refusing to be in the position of sharing my tears anymore with him. i know he can't hug me and say "It's ok" or anything but when there isn't any kind of exchange at all it makes a feeling of resentment build up. i don't want to do it again.
what do i do?- it's so hard to try to do something against my part's feelings. Things will happen like- i'll forget my keys, or be so late it doesn't matter - we won't be able to get ready or get lost on the way, lose time. How can i get agreement? i need inside agreement.
i think that my protector part is saying 'Enough. Don't go there today. (anymore?). i don't know if we can lose T but we can't keep missing therapy and have him keep us, i don't think.
we're in bad shape also and need therapy. What a mess.Thanks for any input,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:551401
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/551401.html