Posted by Daisym on August 9, 2005, at 14:40:32
In reply to my interpretation, posted by Shortelise on August 9, 2005, at 13:21:52
***I do blame him, I say it's his "fault", his doing, when in fact I feel it's mine. If I were a better patient, person, human, girl, woman, listener, etc etc etc, things would be different. If I just weren't me, it would be better.***
You sound so sad, ShortE... I have to wonder upon reading what you wrote if you really are ready for termination. Seems like there is some work to be done in the self-esteem area. And as I write this I wonder if you only feel this way with your therapist or if you do globalize it. Do you employ the "if only I was" thinking about other experiences that make you unhappy? Or can you sort those things better because the emotional intensity isn't there. Or maybe it is...I wonder if no matter how much growth we have, we will always feel the need to be someone different to hang on to our therapists. Or maybe not different, but more the person who needed and received their help, vs. the person in the "real world" who functions much better and is happier.
I'm rambling. Sorry, just thinking as I go. I think you understand yourself and your dream very well. But it strikes me (again) that naming it, understanding it, doesn't inform us as to what to do about it, or stop it -- whatever "it" is.
Have we said therapy is hard? It is *so* hard! I wish I knew how to make it better for you.
Hugs,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:539230
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/539674.html