Posted by Cecilia on July 3, 2005, at 5:36:25
A few days ago I read an article a woman wrote about her experience with rTMS at the same clinic I had (unsuccessful) rTMS at last year. Of course the treatment worked great for her, or she wouldn`t have written the article. It just took me back to 18 months ago when I had the treatments, sleepless and alone in my Vancouver hotel, hoping so desperately it would work, but having no belief that it would and of course it didn`t. But the part of the article that left me most upset was where she talked about how 4 friends came up for the weekend after her first week of treatment. How does someone who`s chronically depressed have 4 friends? (Well, actually she had at least 5, because she talks about seeing another the following weekend). It just makes no sense to me. Are some people just such incredibly good actors that they can make friends despite severe depression? Even if they can fake the social skills, where do they get the energy? For me, even if some pill, some therapy, some treatment were to magically work (and I`ve tried nearly everything) I don`t see how it would change my life in any way; I`d still be ugly and friendless with an empty, pointless life. Some of the stuff you read about depression just makes no sense to me. (Like on the Beck depression inventory where they ask whether you`re feeling ugly. I AM ugly. (I`m not stupid, I have a mirror.) There`s no pill that going to make me delusional). Maybe if there had ever been a time in my life when I wasn`t depressed I could understand, but there hasn`t been. After my ex therapist made it clear that I was unhelpable after 7 years of therapy, I was actually considering ECT and went to a shock doc for a consult. He said that when people are depressed they forget the times they haven`t been. Just how clueless are these pdocs? Did he really think I had all these happy memories that had just slippied my mind? I mean, I hadn`t HAD the shock treatments then (and chose not to, or at least knew I would never have the courage to choose to, which is the same thing.) I don`t really have a question (other than the philosophical one about why there`s so much suffering in the world.) Just venting I guess. Cecilia
poster:Cecilia
thread:522838
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/522838.html