Posted by Pfinstegg on May 24, 2005, at 1:21:56
this incredibly strong impulse to keep "bringing things in" to my analyst- photos of me when I was a child, handwritten copies of poems that I love, photos I've taken, with maps, of rare wildflowers in the mountains near us (which I am SURE he is going to want to go and see for himself!)- well, on and on. He never asks WHY I do this: he just reaches out his hand and accepts everything, saying a warm "thank you"- as if he was expecting me to do it. Then he stays very quiet and attentive.
I'm the one who tries to explain why. One time, I said, " I feel that I am bringing such bad parts of me in here all the time now, that I need to find something good to bring in, too- something that isn't ugly"". He said, "yes, I know you feel bad about these parts, but you know I don't. I'm so glad you are able to bring everything in now- it's very hard and it takes courage, but it's what we need to do together. We are doing it".(Well, that's not quite verbatim- he said it as part of a dialogue).
I felt so understood, and so warm inside (and I know I've got a terrific analyst, who is also a total sweetheart), but the impulse continues! (like that other one, which involves buying a chocolate-almond-covered Haagen-Daz Good Humor after nearly every session- me, who used to eat about one a year!) I hope I'll get, sometime, to where *just me* feels like it's good enough, and can perhaps again eat a healthy diet like I used to- when I was sicker.....
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:502109
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/502109.html