Posted by pinkeye on May 11, 2005, at 14:02:43
I am surprised by the common theme in the US in the Ts.. considering my case, and other people's expressions towards their parents, and what their Ts tell them.
Ts here actually fuel our anger towards our parents. They seem to make us more distanced from them, and hold them in our contempt.
In my case, even if I repeatedly defend my dad - saying that he is a good guy basically, she refuses to let me do that. She keeps saying stop defending your dad..
I am surprised to see that. My ex T in India would never make me get angry at my parents. In fact I remember distinctly I started complaining a little about my father in the first few sessions, and he said something like "you are 26, how long are you going to blame your father"..
I think it is more cultural thing. In India, it is considered horribly wrong to blame your parents. They are supposed to be given the utmost respect and kids are supposed to take care of them at any cost to themselves and not speak against them etc.
And now I think, while the model in India is also wrong, that we should atleast acknowledge the mistakes by the parents, and not defend them at a cost to ourselves, I feel what they are doing in the US is also kind of wrong.
What good does it do in the end to make us angry and have contempt towards our parents, and make us emotionally divorced from them? I feel my life would be lot better if I forgave my dad, and still love him. I feel lot more peaceful and at peace with myself, when I acknowledge the good things he did, rather than keep holding contempt and anger at him.
Maybe it has to do with my religion.. We support karmas and being good and forgiving irrespective of what happens to you, and I tend to think, maybe in my previous birth I must have done something wrong to my dad.. and that is why I have to go through some suffering in this life. If I get angry with my dad, then it will do no good for my soul at the end.
poster:pinkeye
thread:496463
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/496463.html