Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 19:32:38
In reply to Re: Pinkeye? (very long) Dinah » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:16:56
That's a wonderful realization to make, Pinkeye. That you weren't to blame. And of course, you really weren't.
My therapist is always telling me I just didn't have as much power as I thought I did. That a child just doesn't have that much power over what a parent does. But while I personally might not have forced them to stay together (at least not the time I was an infant), my existance almost certainly did.
I never needed an apology from my father for my life in general. Towards the end of his life when he got angry and said hurtful things to me, he apologized at the time. But for my life in general? No, absolutely not. I'm just glad I got a chance to thank him for all he did for me, and to tell him how much I loved him, and that he not only heard but reflected back to me that he did in fact know how much I loved him and how grateful I was to him.
I'm not saying living with him was easy, because it wasn't. But he didn't need to apologize to me. I had forgiven and understood long since.
I'm relatively certain that an apology from my mother would mean nothing to me, unless accompanied by a change in her actions.
poster:Dinah
thread:494198
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/494685.html