Posted by Susan47 on April 17, 2005, at 12:57:52
My father is a manic/depressive, has been all his life as far as anybody knows. He goes into these rages of enthusiastic behaviour, everything he says is loud, expansive, smart and close-minded ... the next day he could be so quiet, withdrawn, and foul-tempered you're afraid of him (well, you're afraid of him in his mania too, only he's much easier to make laugh .. humour becomes a lifesaver, you know?) .. anyway, he's well over sixty and I realized a few days ago that he values his manias and depressions .. he hates the depressions, but he actually has come to value these things because he feels they make him more human, somehow .. but he doesn't see how harsh and cruel he is, how he hurts everyone with his judgements and cruel behaviours, he's physically and emotionally violent ... it's so sad, he's all alone and he's angry with everyone that he's so lonely but no one wants to be near him ... and he won't go for any counselling or medication whatsoever, never. He hates the profession. He had ECT and lost some of his memory about thirty years ago ... is that right, is it ECT, the electricity to the brain? Anyway, I'm not thinking too well right now myself.
What're your parents like? How does that affect you today? Because I'm hypomanic, I can lose my temper (usually not easily, though.. it does take a lot, because I'm so afraid of my temper.. anybody's temper. It's why I married my last husband, because he seemed so even-tempered, but that was an illusion apparently) and I've been depressed but it's not NORMAL, I mean any test I take always shows that my depression is based outside myself ... this is so strange a concept but for the most part I think it is true. I dont' think I was born to be depressed. Sigh.
poster:Susan47
thread:485457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/485457.html