Posted by Susan47 on March 18, 2005, at 15:40:41
In reply to Re: Dinah, posted by sunny10 on March 18, 2005, at 9:22:19
Your mind works beautifully, too, sunny, and everything you've said has an emotive response with me because I come from a similar background. My father loved/hated me because his mother didn't want him, never loved him, was cruel to him, etc etc ad nauseum plus he had a real war-torn childhood, he and my mother both, and well you can just imagine how Daddy related to me. I was always, always the enemy, from birth to now and probably to his grave. Even though he may even know on an intellectual level what he's doing, he doesn't understand the emotional impact and bereavement he's caused me, all the pain and dysfunctional life I've lived, if he did he'd want to die himself, and no one really WANTS that, goes Looking for it, so he can't ever see it but I have a horrible, terrible feeling if he's sane when he dies and he has time the reality will strike him and it will be horrible, absolutely horrible if that happens. So in all honesty, I hope it never happens, I hope he never understands emotionally, with his heart, what he did, because it would really make his life sad, and right now I think he's pretty happy with his life, he's feeling okay about it, and that's just so important. But that's totally off track, I guess I just needed a safe to spill. You see, I separated, I AM separating from C, my old therapist, and I'm absolutely panicked, frightened, a little girl, but I look in the mirror and I see this beautiful woman I've always been, and I'm relaxing into her, flaws and all. And I'm so grateful, I'm so grateful and so torn with tears that no words can ever express how much I really feel.
poster:Susan47
thread:471999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/472534.html