Posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 15:14:13
In reply to Re: And another thing.. » Karen_kay, posted by Racer on February 3, 2004, at 12:17:23
Of course your posts and answers are of use. Whether you rant and rave (which I truly enjoy. I msut say I read them on the 2000 board and so often I just want to high five you, but toher than a high five being so out of fashion, I can't join I the 2000 board so I am SOOOOO glad you joined us here... Do stick around a while, OK??? I'm winking at you ;)...], or give adivice, or try to set me straight, I appreciate your posts... Truly, madly deeply!
Now, I would NEVER lose myself in a relationship. Nope, nope, nope. And I don't see me being the clingy girl either. But, I have some friends who are and they call me ALL the time crying over lost loves that never really existed. I fear turning into that and not even realizing it. Oh no! I'd rather be alone! No, I'd rather have a sugar daddy! :)
And your definition of a healthy relationship sounds just like the one I have with my boyfriend. Exactly like it! When he has a rough dya, I really feel bad for him. Honestly. And I try to do everything in my power to make his day better. *The only problem is that I'm not sure at this point if he left whether I'd miss him or not. I'm certain I'd miss him, but if someone better came along, I'd jump at the chance. Does that make me bad for looking out for myself? I know I'm not bad, per se, but I don't feel a genuine *closeness* to him. He often tells me, "You don't love me as much as I love you," and I really think it's true. And it's really sad because he's such a great guy. He really is. But I really think at this point I don't trust men enough (or people in general) to share my emotions with them or to "give part of my heart away." I've just been so hurt by my parents in the past I can't quite do it. I feel like no one really cares enough about what I'm truly feeling at any given moment. Sure, I can BS and joke around, but when I'm really depressed or psychotic (and yes it happens) I feel like no one *honestly* cares enough about me to really want to listen to what I have to say. And I think that's why I can't get emotionally close. I jsut can't trust people with how I'm feeling or my honest thoughts. And that's why I lie. And that's why I "manipulate." I've learned how to get what I need to survive that way. But, I do it in a cutsie manner at least. Most people give in because they want to, IMHO. Like today, and the past few weeks, my session with Bubba has gone over at least 15 minutes. I test him like that and he always gives in. Is it because I'm good or because he wants to?
poster:Karen_kay
thread:308879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308952.html