Posted by deirdrehbrt on September 14, 2003, at 22:26:22
In reply to Re: Now about those dissociations...... » stebby, posted by judy1 on September 10, 2003, at 10:47:17
Hi,
I just thought I might add in a bit of my own experience with SI and Dissociation. It was in my Psychiatrist's office that a medical professional first noticed that I dissociate. I was doing the "going far away and getting small" thing, after some difficult and pointed questions.
Then, I looked into this whole dissociation thing and realized that I do lots of it, and some of what I thought was forgetfullness was also dissociation. My Therapist started working with me on the dissociative elements, and finally, as I think I mentioned here before, I was diagnosed with DID.
I use dissociation when someone is yelling at me, when I get hurt, when I get sick, when emotional events start getting the better of me, and at most any other uncomfortable time. Recently, I got hit by a car, thrown onto the street, and lay on the ground bleeding for a while. I wound up with stitches in my head, a bruise and abbrasion to my shoulder. In the end though, I never felt more than a couple of twinges, but nothing that I could call pain. I guess that's how it goes.
As for the SI, I tend to use it when the noise in my head gets to be too much, when I'm angry at myself, when I feel as if I've hurt someone else, basically, anytime I feel out of control or bad.
I'm working on trying to reduce the SI. It seems very much related to the dissociation though. I don't feel very much pain when I cut, sometimes none at all. I think that what I'm mostly looking for is the blood. Sometimes it's how much skin I can remove from my feet. The next day, when I feel the twinge from the injuries, it's a warm reminder that I'm still here, and that I can remember what I had done the day before.
After I realized that what I was doing was SI, I took a look into my past, and found that I had beend doing it since my very early teens. I did it then, mostly when I was angry. My family looked on anger as a bad thing, unless it was from the adults.
Anyway, I kept it, and it has grown, changed, and taken on new aspects. Hopefully, it will be put to rest someday soon. I have too many self inflicted scars, and all that they show is that I managed to evade some painfull situations.
I guess though that there is some difficulty in going from knowlege to belief; that is what I'm trying to do with both the SI and the DID. It's not an easy, but I'm kind of stuck with it now.
I wish all of you luck who are on either or both journeys. They're not easy but they are worth it.
Dee.
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:254858
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/260072.html