Posted by Seedwoman on November 20, 2002, at 20:16:40
In reply to Re: crush on therapist..boundries, schmoundries, posted by goldfish on October 8, 2002, at 21:11:24
goldfeesh,
I know it's been awhile, but I just read your most recent post...btw, I love the accent. the imaginary Euro-therapist is probably right; it *ees* healthy, or it was for me, to feel love in that way and have it be accepted but not acted upon, not exploited in any way. I also needed to learn that no matter how intense my attachment or how much love (I don't know what else to call it) my therapist gave me, it was not the cure for my fears. the fact that he did not "abandon" me, but kept being there and never wavered in his support allowed me to learn to trust (selectively); but I also needed to learn to trust myself. Ultimately that grew out of self-examination, which I find I can now do without either self-pity or shame. That's the best gift of therapy, because nobody can take that away from you, even your therapist, should he or she turn out to be unworthy of your trust.
It's interesting that you ask about what the outcome might have been had I not been in love with my therapist...I have to say that I think I would have been in some way no matter what; in fact, it really irritated me that I became so attached to a previous therapist who really didn't have a clue about what to do with me and whom I didn't find in the least attractive, which oddly mirrored some of my other relationships in "real life". It is also interesting that I've always tried to get female therapists and have always ended up with males. I finally gave up, so when I was asked for a preference said it didn't matter; and that was when I found the right person, who happened to be male, and attractive, entirely focused on me when I'm in his presence... really, what's *not* to fall in love with?
It's scary, though, to confront strong feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same about you. However, I really needed to explore those feelings in order to learn that it's no good to expect someone else to rescue me with his love. I rescued myself, but feeling loved is one of the things that got me there. I didn't reject the feelings I had for him, and was able to see them evolve from a sort of immature, obsessive attachment to a genuine affection and respect that is mostly about who he is and what he's done for me, not about my longings and fears.
So anyway. Thanks for posting. I wish you well.
Seedwoman
poster:Seedwoman
thread:1222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1607.html