Posted by likelife on November 11, 2002, at 22:02:03
So, the other day, I felt compelled to write a 3-page letter to my therapist, explaining why I've been acting strange, and have generally been talking around issues, rather than about them for the past couple of months (I've been in therapy with her for 2+ years).
I've cycled in and out of major depressive episodes for some time now, and a few months ago, started down into another one. Things are stable now, but precarious.
I told her I wanted to be held by her, or to hold onto her physically (she is female and so am I), and now I'm feeling generally humiliated about the whole thing. I sent the letter about a week ago, and have an appointment with her about a week from now. I'm considering ditching therapy at this point, because I don't know how to get over this embarrassment. Granted, I haven't heard from her yet, and so don't know how she will react, but I'm scared nonetheless. I dismissed the idea that this was a transference thing, my wanting to see her as the ideal mother. I just happen to have a closer relationship with her than I do with practically anyone else (except my husband).
I could use some advice from someone who's maybe been in a similar situation (I hope I'm not the only one). I haven't felt this ashamed in a long time.
Thanks.
poster:likelife
thread:1523
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1523.html