Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 12, 2006, at 2:18:50
In reply to NH Weighs in., posted by deirdrehbrt on February 8, 2006, at 15:47:52
A little history about me...
In 1979, I joined the USAF. Partly... ok... mostly to prove that I could be a man... that I wasn't really going to hell because I knew I wasn't a man. I served through some troubled times. I became a supervisor, and had some wonderful people working for me.
When I left in 1983, I was ready to be promoted to Staff sergeant, and I had earned the Air Force Commendation medal. I had done well.
Later on, I joined the Air National Guard, partly I guess for the same reasons, and partly to save my marriage. While there, I again did work that I was proud of. I really would have liked to continue my career, but they became aware of my therapy, and my transgendered status. We trannies aren't fit to serve in the military. We're mentally ill, and may alter our genetalia. Both of these are grounds for dismissal.
During my time in the military, and outside, I spent 25 years in music ministry in my church. While I was in, I taught Vacation Bible School. I tried really hard to believe... In the Christian church, and that God would "fix" me. I realize now that it didn't happen because I'm not broken as the church defined it. Stuff happens, wires get crossed, and plumbing just might not match the brain. An accident of nature, but definitely not sin. Same thing with being gay or lesbian. Brains are wired just a bit differently. Nothing sick or sinfull... it's just the way they are.
I'll admit that I was later found to be Bipolar, and Borderline, which would have ended my career anyway, but that's not why I was discharged. (At least they gave me an honorable, but I'm prohibited from ever serving in any branch again.)
There is such prejudice and intolerance an hatred directed against the GLBT community that it's impossible to discuss it without passion. I loved being in the military. But even there I remember people telling gay jokes because "That's the only people we can joke about without getting into trouble". Those who were gay or lesbian couldn't say anything for fear of being outed. The "don't ask don't tell" policy meaning that you just had to suck it up and deal with it.
The safe person to go to would be the chaplain... maybe. Even there, the best you could hope for would be for them to say "Pray to god to remove this terrible curse from you" or something similar.
Finally, I've decided to live my life the way the Goddess meant for me to live it. I'm still frightened. Someone might decide they need to beat the crap out of me, as they have to so many others. Should I want to get married again, I don't know if I'll be permitted to. If I die, my family would likely try to change my name to reflect my birth name on any stone that I might have as they don't accept me as anything other than their son.
So... to any who think that I wish to stifle any church from preaching what they will, I offer that I served in the military to prevent just that. If I were permitted, I would still be doing so today. It's ironic... I served to preserve the right to preach against what I was ultimately discharged for.
For those who think being GLBT is a sin, rather than a fact of birth, rest assured that I have given God my all to try and change... "even unto the point of death" having tried suicide many times thinking that death would be preferable to continue living a life of sin. God didn't give me strenght or healing to change. In the Goddess though, I have found that I can live the life I was given without shame or condemnation.
I wish that people could understand what it is like to be a part of society that so many people hate: To see people protesting people who are like you, dancing on their graves, getting beat up, etc. The closest that I can come to that is this: http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/1769/gayday.htm
It's certainly not real, but Beverly (owner of the site) has given a chance for some sort of experience (without having to worry about someone thinking you're really gay).
To those who are afraid of civil rights for the GLLBT community, I'm terribly sorry. I'm sorry for what you have been told about us, that you think we are in any way dangerous. I've heard the stories too: That we're child mollesters, that we want to raise kids to be gay, that we'll try to destroy your churches, etc. The sad truth is that the percentage of gay child mollesters is the same as for the straight community. There are sick people in both our communities. We don't want to raise GLBT children. Can you honestly believe we want our kids to go through the hell we've been through? If we did, we would certainly be sick. And we don't want to destroy churches. Certainly there are those of us who would have liked to see our home church accept us, but I think most of us realize that isn't going to happen. As far as going to another church, no-one wants to be where they aren't welcome.
I apologize if anyone has taken any offense to anything I've said, in this post or in any previous ones. I've tried not to offend, but I find that when it comes to being GLBT, some people take offense at our mere existence, let alone our demand for equal rights under the law. As far as being civil, I think that I've been polite and courteous though I might have pushed some people beyond their comfort zones.
Personally, when discussing important things, I like to be pushed beyond my comfort zone. It makes me think. If I'm not challenged, if I'm not called to task on my beliefs and merely recite what's taught to me without thinking it through on my own, then my beliefs aren't really mine. They're borrowed. They belong to some preacher or some book or my parents, but they aren't my own until I've been challenged, been required to give them some thought, and earned the right to call them mine.
Years ago, when I was a christian, I was writing a musical with a friend of mine. It was titled "The Inheritance". It was about someone who had been born into a Christian family. This person had an "Inherited" faith. He thought he was saved. He thought he was a Christian. But when put to the test, he found that what he had inherited wasn't really his. His own faith had to be learned and earned and tested on it's own. What his parents had "given" him only gave him knowledge, but nothing substantial.
It's the same for all of us. What we read in a book, what we hear from the pulpit, what we learn from a teacher... none of this is really ours until we put it to the test. When it comes to civil rights, writing papers about it in school is fine, but if you don't get out there and say something... challenge someone and be challenged yourself, you're just having an opinion and staying safe.
Anyway..... I've written alot, and it's probably becaus of the cr*p going on with my roommates, and I can't get to sleep. I hope though that maybe you can better understand, now that you have some context, my strongly felt beliefs. This isn't a theoretical position for me. It's my life, and constitutional ammendments and laws and churches are trying to tell me, and people like me, that we are less than human; not deserving of the rights that others take for granted.
Anyway, enough ranting.
Blessings,
--Dee
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:607584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20060204/msgs/608849.html