Posted by zenhussy on December 25, 2003, at 2:53:05
In reply to Re: It does not grow easier each year.... » zenhussy, posted by Lllucy on December 21, 2003, at 14:46:36
>Hi
>I'm sorry for your loss and continued pain. Your message resonates with me, that sense of being a novice at grief. I got the impression that you still can't really cry or 'get to' the pain you still feel - am I way off base?Oh I can cry alright but attaching that to the actual pain of losing a parent before the age of nine? Guess my little mind snapped in a way.
>My dad died when I was 22, and I did not know how to allow feelings for myself then, either. My family, always estranged from each other, never did mourn together. 25 years later, I still wonder how to nurture and heal myself. Feelings so buried, so tightly held onto and I don't know how to release them, even though I understand that that it would be good to do. Knowing there are tears inside, and being able to allow them are such different things, I am frustrated that I haven't yet figured out how to bridge these separate things. I find that I go through a similar 'shutting down' in the face of more recent losses too. I think our culture is kind of phobic about mourning and grief, which doesn't help.Western USA culture? Yeah. Death is just hushed up in every way. I found I had to read a lot about death and grief to begin to connect to my loss.
I guess that is step one. Admitting to your heart that you've suffered a great loss is the hardest step of all in grieving. To acknowledge the loss fully. Ouch. Painful stuff.
> Thank you for your post. I wish I had something helpful to offer you, other than 'I hear you'. I will follow this thread to see if you (we) get any insight or words of practical wisdom from others. Take care,
Lucy
There is a lot of value in saying 'I hear you'. Validating one another's grief is very important. Recognizing that we hurt. We suffer. We ache. We just don't know how to get those feelings out from the inner torment we confine them to.I am sorry about your loss as well. A family that doesn't mourn together does have difficulty in many areas. Our family is only now beginning to bridge the lost years over my/our inability to grieve this together--all of us as a family.
I'm hoping my posts tonight make sense. Not rereading and feeling so damn med stupid it's not even funny. Bleh.
Thank you again. The words mean everything. It is never too late to grieve. I'd be happy to mention the books that were helpful to me in my seeking about grief and grieving.
zh
poster:zenhussy
thread:291836
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/293277.html