Posted by twinleaf on January 21, 2009, at 12:15:13 [reposted on January 21, 2009, at 13:52:30 | original URL]
December 7 (just after SSSS had been given a two-week block)
Me:"this seemed like a cry for help. I did not feel that any poster was being criticized or put down. She has shared with us that it is a very difficult time for her....she seemed to be in mounting distress over increased awareness of feelings from her past. In view of this, I think a block can feel very rejecting and judgmental when someone is so vulnerable."December 18 Dr. Bob: "WE DO KNOW (BLOCKS) CAN BE PAINFUL, try to avoid them whenever possible and APPRECIATE BRAINSTORMING ABOUT HOW TO AVOID THEM MORE OFTEN." (capitals added by me for emphasis only)
December 21 Me: "I. also, do not believe deputies have anything other than the best intentions when they apply civility rules. But there is a disconnect...the poster on the receiving end often feels hurt."
December 21 Me: "I made the suggestion that the guidelines be administered as usual- no changes needed there- but that a phrase of two of empathy about each situation be included. I know that all the deputies have done that in the past- 10Der comes to mind as being very sensitive to posters' feelings, and for expressing that very well in her PCBs and blocks, but all of the deputies do it very well."
December 21 Me: "I made the suggestion that a phrase or two of empathy about each situation be included..it could prevent a lot of the hurt and anger we are seeing now."
December 22 SSSS: "for those who said I was trying to reach out for help, they were right."
December 22 SSSS: "I was wanting to reach out in my desperate need for someone to care enough to help. You probably saved my life when I was feeling so low, so rejected, so unheard..."
December 23 10Derheart: (giving me a two week block): "please do not post anything that could lead others to feel accused (for example, of causing pain)."
While not specified, I am assuming she is referring to the possibility that the deputies might feel accused by me of causing pain to posters. I emphasized in all my posts quoted above that I was certain no hurt was ever intended by any deputies, but that posts could hurt, even with the best intentions. Early on (December 18), Dr. Bob acknowledged the same thing, and appeared to invite a discussion of how to improve this situation- a discussion I thought I was participating in. I felt very hopeful because I thought we were finally going to address the very difficult issue of how to maintain a sense of safety and well-being for the general community of posters while dealing with the needs of posters, in crisis or violating civility rules, in the most constructive manner possible. When SSSS began posting again, she acknowledged the emotional pain she had experienced, lending more weight to what I believed was a broadminded discussion of how the guidelines could be administered so as to meet the needs of everyone here. To be suddenly warned not to speak about blocks causing pain because the deputies might feel hurt was a shock, considering that Dr. Bob himself had appeared to open the topic by acknowledging that this did happen, and that it appeared to me to be the point of our discussion. What happened to me here is the very opposite of what one would hope for in a forum for mental health issues: there is no steadiness of purpose or view that can be counted on. There seems to be a big advantage for the poster (or deputy) who initiates a sudden change in view, such as happened to me in this sequence, and also happened to me in the extraordinarily inappropriate post quoted below (all the more shocking because it was made by a mental health professional). Making silent protests via the notification button is, unfortunately, totally inadequate in every regard. There can be a degree of hurt in posted comments which simply cannot be rectified or atoned for in notifications.
December 23 Gardenergirl: (to me) "perhaps you might benefit from doing work on cognitive distortion."
poster:twinleaf
thread:875301
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20081228/msgs/875301.html