Posted by Happyflower on April 2, 2008, at 19:54:21
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, question about chat... sucide trigge » Happyflower, posted by Dinah on March 31, 2008, at 8:24:18
> I've brought this up to Dr. Bob before. I don't think he understands, or at least he feels differently than I do.
Thank you for trying though, maybe he doesn't see the other angle to it, on how exclusion can be used to hurt others. It isn't anything new though, look what happened before the civil war, also when women couldn't vote, and exclusion still happens today too. It is almost never seen as a problem to those who do the excluding. But those who are excluded, knows how it feels. That is why I brought this up, on how I feel when I was excluded. It isn't a debate on whether my feelings are appropriate or not. Whether being excluded makes one feel excluded. I only stated how I FELT. But you get that by what you said below and I wanted to thank you for saying that.
One thing in therapy, I have learned how to FEEL fully and to express those feelings. I believe most of as at one time or another felt excluded at one time at least. It doesn't feel very good.
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> I'd feel pretty hurt myself. And I have on occasion. Not only here, but in real life. That's why I only chat in Room 2.Me too, I think most do start in room 2. I think some don't even know that some can't chat in room one and just follow the lead of whoever starts the chat. This is why I posted this here, I hope to inform those who don't know.
So a lot of times, I don't chat at all because I see everyone's in Room 1. Which probably is better for my real life, since chat is my greatest downfall, timewise, at Babble.
This is what I saw just recently over the last couple of months. It is okay if you can walk away, but when you are doing really badly and you need someone to talk to, it can feel really bad. One thing also is usually blocked posters come in pairs or groups because of an argument and sometimes blocks happen when babble only sees's one side of the action. Babble doesn't always know why that person was triggered to write what got them blocked. They could have have been hurted first, and they were only reacting torwards that. Of course we hope that we can act like adults when that happens, but sometimes that is hard to do when we feel hurt.
I think almost everytime I was blocked it was because I was responding to being hurt by someone or something to begin with. People see your hurtful responses, but they don't know what caused the hurt in the first place. Hurt goes both ways. I have been told I hurt someone bad, but so was I. I don't go around hurting people without some action that provoked it. I have to learn not to let myself be provoked so much. The thing is when you have been at a site for as long as I have, people know your hot buttons, so it makes it hard sometimes to ignore it.
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> It's one of those things at Babble that presses all sorts of old buttons. Feelings of exclusion, of being on the outside with my nose pressed to the window. Those feelings might be coming from old hurts, but that doesn't make them hurt any less.I also believe that no one can be 100% safe on a public chat room, if they are that fragile, maybe they should be in a private chat room. Because you don't know out of the thousands of members that might come into chat at the time. So keeping blocked posters which usually is only a small number of people will not be any kind of real safety.
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> I really am happy that Dr. Bob now allows blocked posters to chat. But I find the two rooms as distressing as you do.
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> And for the record, I really enjoyed our chat the other night. I am so impressed with the work you're doing in therapy right now. I'm a huge believer that people *can* change. Life would be a pretty sad prospect if there was no room for redemption. I've changed myself, and hope to keep changing.I enjoyed that night too, I feel you are real Dinah. We don't always see eye to eye, but one thing I have learned from you is forgiveness and understanding. And perhaps when after ego-strength therapy, I won't need to defend myself anymore, because it won't matter to me. I hope do be done with trauma therapy this summer and maybe start ego strength therapy in the fall. My T says it would be silly to do it now with all the triggers I have from the past. Wow, this is getting long so i better quit. ((((Dinah))) you are quite the woman! ;-)
> I hope you feel free to come post on Psychology. I am interested to continue our discussion on ego strength work.
poster:Happyflower
thread:820804
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20080313/msgs/821260.html