Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 21, 2008, at 18:46:15
In reply to Re: Intimidated about posting..., posted by Dinah on February 21, 2008, at 17:06:45
> I probably ditch at least that many of my posts. And I do heavily edit and rewrite. It even shows in my posts, because I'll forget to make complementary grammar changes sometimes.
>
>polite snippage<I think there is an important point in all of this, something that maybe many people miss or don't know how to utilize. I learn't much about this technique in social work. That is, posting 'options' without sounding condescending about them. i.e. Not presenting them as the 'this is the best choice for you, so do it' kind of thing or suggesting "everyone has told you to do this.X.."..leaving the poster to feel guilty. As a social worker and counselor, these concern me. Heck, maybe we should have a board dedicated to counseling-type listening skills! lol. I am all for it, heh. I do believe people mean very well, but there are lots of techniques in listening skills that can go very wrong. And no, Dinah, just because I am answering your post does not mean I am 'targeting' you here, at all, nor anybody else in particular. I am just trying to make a general, very broad comment.
One key component is to act/write with very little of 'you' in mind, and putting yourself almost 99 percent in the other person's shoes. That means forget about 'changing' them and the.."If they just would do this.." thing. We use paraphrasing in social work, which is reflecting back what a person has said, and it is from that, that you can pick and choose possible options. Additional options from your own knowledge of course are great, but they should be presented in a gentle, least intrusive manner, and most of all not arouse negative feelings in someone.
In my work in Addictions, I can give some good examples. When somebody came into my office, the idea is not to be 'pragmatic', or 'solve a problem' in a one hour visit. I never said you have to do 'this and this'. What I had to do was remove as much of my ego as possible, and sort of transcend, put myself 'in their shoes'. No matter what I thought of the 'values' behind their behaviour, 'bad' or 'wrong'. That was not for me to judge. Once I got in their 'context', and didn't assign 'values' to their actions, could we then use what the client has said to me as a roadmap to getting further help. The point being, I would be paraphrasing, and using clarification, using their, not my, ideas about where they wanted to go.
So, that concludes today's Social Work 101 class...LOL...I know, I am "full of it"....but it's nice to be able to contribute in my area of knowledge, say where others have with medications and such. I will try to post some more resources.
Best,
Jay (The Mentally Ill Social Worker!!!..ahhhh!) lol
poster:Jay_Bravest_Face
thread:813933
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20080204/msgs/813976.html